Every time I play with someone new I realize how little I know about anybody, much less my new partner. Everybody feels what they feel differently—the sense of touch is radically different, person-to-person. Surprisingly, most people don’t account for that and just touch you the way they like to be touched; after all it’s good enough for them, you ought to like it too, right? Maybe, maybe not, there’s just a huge gulf of difference in how we live in our bodies. Some guys like it slow and firm, others like it fast, right now, and what are you waiting for? Not only that, but few people have the vocabulary or the nerve to tell you exactly what they like and how they like it. I do, but that’s not fair as I am a guy who is an extrovert, a risk taker. and a sex maniac—or is that redundant?
For those of us who play with new partners it makes sense to realize that you’re in bed with an alien. How does this guy talk (in terms of body language)? How does he hear, or in terms of sensation how does he feel what he feels? Does he come easily or not at all? I haven’t got a clue, but finding out can be a lot of fun. There is an intuition about how that other person is experiencing what you’re doing that can kick right in if you cultivate it. And wouldn’t it be scary to have encounters with new people is that intuition didn’t exist? Just as all the best conversationalists are defined by the quality of their listening skills, your status as a great lover starts with your physical and emotional ‘listening skills’. That other person is telling you volumes about what they feel and what they want, without saying a word, you just have to learn how to listen.
I think you start by devoting your total attention to them. No TV, no video, no thoughts about what you’d like for dinner (besides him, I mean)
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