Why the gear and bondage?

I got a question from one of my more conservative friends’ yesterday---“Why do you have to go to all that trouble with the gear and the bondage and the what, it looks like tools instead of sex toys, why can’t you get off on just sucking and fucking? That’s a reasonable question, although there are a lot of incorrect assumptions in it. I don’t ‘have to’, none of us ‘have to do anything’, it’s a choice, and a fun one. And, I suppose it’s only bother and trouble if you think of it that way instead of as an adventure. And who said we stopped enjoying sucking and fucking? You don’t have to be jaded to enjoy different music rather than the one or two songs you’ve been singing...or making the other guy sing, depending.

It’s natural to look for pleasure in the same places; after all it’s worked for you before. And most people think they ‘know what works for them’ which is a maybe-more-than-half-truth. The danger with half-truths is that there is enough genuine accuracy in them to make them look like the whole story. Except, as Rummy would have it, you don’t know what you don’t know.

We don’t learn about sex sitting in an armchair, we get in the water and do our best to learn how to swim. Its physical experience and skill that we learn, not just concepts. Along the way we learn what turns us on and what doesn’t. Who says we have to stop learning once we know how to stay afloat? What turns us on changes over time, and some new things can be surprisingly, perversely exiting.

How many times have I heard, “But I’m not into bondage!”? I’ve got a ready answer to that, and to the rest of the ‘I’m-not-intas”—let’s let your dick tell us both how much or low little you like it. Regardless of your preconceptions or opinions it’s going to either wake up and look for the party or slumber on. It isn’t much of a half-truth when your dick goes rock hard, you’re on to something. In other words, The Dick Never Lies, or In Penis Veritas! It’s been my experience that the more a guy holds onto the attitude that he knows everything he’s into and doesn’t want to try anything new, the less happy he is with his sex life. Are you happy with yours? When was the last time you tried something new? It’s not a diet of constant novelty that does it, it’s the playful attitude and open mind that is necessary for good sex. Come to think of it, if it really isn’t play it can become work. How many people are working too hard to enjoy themselves in a sandbox that is just too small? Lovemaking improves as well with a lighter heart, maybe even more so. When you were discovering the one you love chances are you tried a lot of stuff....or just kept coloring between the lines. And yes, I did learn about sex in grammar school, why do you ask?